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Chuck Norris Has a Lawyer

You may be waiting for a punch line, thinking that this is some kind of joke. But no, this is a fact. Chuck Norris has a lawyer.

Trust me, as a huge fan of the recent explosion on the internet of the Chuck Norris facts, I was completely under the impression that Chuck Norris also liked them. I mean, just look at him talking on about the Chuck Norris Facts on the Tony Danza Show. Or look at him here talking about the Chuck Norris Facts on some man/sports show!

Chuck’s nonchalance and jovial attitude makes it seem as though he has no problem with the hundreds of fans sites and thousands of bulletin board comments about him. So I decided to make a fan site, I wrote some original Chuck Norris facts of my own. Add a few photos and I thought it was a pretty rocking little site.

Then comes the part where I made a mistake. I put a link to another site of mine where I sell t-shirts.

Chuck Norris’ lawyer, or at least some dude claiming to be Chuck’s lawyer, sent me a strongly worded letter telling me to stop using Chuck to sell stuff (on a side note not one sale resulted from the links). I mean how was I supposed to know that Chuck Norris’ trademark roundhouse kick literally has a trademark related to it? And how was I supposed to know that a couple little hyperlinks could violate that?

Now, I am still not totally convinced that Chuck Norris himself actually cares about some dude like me. I think this guff is just coming from the swarms of people who have latched themselves onto Chuck as parasites under the guise of "protecting his intellectual properties." They are causing grief in order to justify their own existence. But everybody ‘gots to get paid,’ so if they need to convince Chuck Norris to let them be his lawyer, that is cool.

In closing, I would like to say that if the Chuck Norris facts are true (which I believe them to be) and if Chuck Norris himself actually felt like his intellectual property had been infringed (which I don’t believe) then I would not be writing this article, but would instead have suffered death by roundhouse kick. But since I am still alive I posted this as a protest.

by Cameron Hatch
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